Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Thoughts of a Boring, Chubby Girl

I am a little upset with myself.  I have gained 35 pounds in the last year.  Chris and I were discussing this last night, and we both have the same problems.

1.  We show love with food.  You're sad?  Let me bake you a cake and help you eat it!  Celebrating?  Let's break out the ice cream!

2.  We eat when we're depressed. 

3.  We eat when we're bored.

4.  We eat when we're stressed. 

It's getting old.  I am 29 and dealing with acne spots from too much chocolate.  I'm pretty sure my insulin resistance is linked to my inability to get pregnant.  I have no energy.  Most days, I get up, go to work, where I physically pine for my bathrobe and slippers, come home, get comfy, stay comfy, and go to bed. 

I never thought I would be a boring, chubby girl.  One or the other, fine.  Not both!  I'm not sure if the physical pain I'm dealing with is a nerve condition or just my joints SCREAMING at me to drop some hug-fluff. 

And another thing... I'm tired of wearing frumpy clothes.  In order for me to embrace my curves and feel awesome about what I'm wearing, I have to embark on a trek Lewis and Clark would have applauded.  Regular stores generally don't cater to short, plus-sized women unless you want to wear

A:  Chunky sweaters

B:  Mom jeans

C.  Cartoon character sweatshirts

I will be the first to tell you that I adore chunky sweaters.  My favorite jeans ever made are a pair of boot cut medium rise with quite a bit of spandex woven in.  (They always fit.  If there ever comes a day when they do not fit, I shall cry a river.)  However, I have a hard time with the cartoon characters and personally, they are on my DO NOT WEAR list. 

But what if I want to feel honest-to-goodness elegant?  What then?  What if I want to go out and shine just a little more than usual?  My options then are:

the church dresses and sets that are already in my closet, because in order to find something spectacular, I need the opinion of my mommy, my sister, or both, and it's a little too difficult to justify driving 6+ hours to buy a dress just because it will make me feel pretty. 

I wish I knew where to start, but honestly, I'm lost.  I obey the Word of Wisdom as much as I understand it.  Is there something I'm missing?  I'm so tired of feeling (and looking) like this.  

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