I feel a bit like Elizabeth this morning. You know, Mary's cousin? Let me explain.
When I was younger, I overheard my dad say "If Katie ever gets pregnant out of wedlock, I'll start going to church, because it means that Jesus Christ is coming back." While I've always appreciated what he was implying, part of me thought that when I did get married, getting pregnant would be so easy.
This morning, after another negative test, I soaked in a spearmint-eucalyptus scented bath and tried to quell the nausea that has been plaguing me lately. After I stared so long at that test that I began to see a line where there was none, wavering between disappointment and acceptance, I had an epiphany.
In saying "no," Heavenly Father is not saying "not ever." He is saying "not now." It is in His forbearance that He is showing His love. Chris and I are nowhere near ready for a baby. We have next to nothing in savings. Neither one of us is as healthy as we could be. And, to be honest, there are a few habits we ought to have before we start a family in which we have been remiss. Scripture reading, for one. Family prayer, for another. My personal opinion is that when we have truly tried our hardest, we will be blessed beyond measure. How I look forward to that day!
Yesterday, I read a post by a friend of mine, a gentleman whom I have known since high school. Ordinarily his blog has a decidedly political bent, but yesterday he was focused on regaining an appreciation for the true meaning of Christmas. Please read his blog here.
As a result of that well-timed post, I have decided to embark on 40 days of mindful service to others. If after that time I am not more fully taking upon myself the name of Christ and further upholding the covenants I have made in His name, well, then there is something wrong.
This (early!) Christmas morning, I would like to share my testimony with you. I know that God lives, and that He loves us, so much so that he sent His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ to atone for our sins. I know that Jesus Christ Who humbled Himself to come to earth and be born in a lowly manger is the same Jesus Christ Who is my Lord and Redeemer. I am thankful for the incredible work He has done in my heart and in my life, and I wish for His peace, which passes understanding, to come upon you all this day as we celebrate His birth.
In Jesus' name, amen.
Merry Christmas, everyone!